These days, I've been asking a lot in my prayer. It is maybe because I unconsciously feel that I lose a lot. A lot of opportunities, and things I am already holding before. It feels like a lot of things have slipped out of my hands and all I could do is to hope, pray and perhaps, wish.

     I know we all have a lot of plans that went down because of the pandemic. As for me, being a student, I really wanted to buy a laptop. Because in previous years that time, I've deal with lot of research papers and narrative report which I thankfully surpassed with the help of my brother's  phone.  If I can't make it with the phone since it wasn't really a good model, I stay late outside at a computer shop, typing, researching and editing. Fortunately later on, I've saved a little amount of money but I spent it on my buying myself a cellphone, since it's far from the price of a laptop. I am still after it for my college  tho, that's why I already planned on applying a job for summer, only that, pandemic happened.

    Somehow, it's amazing that I made the decision of buying a phone because it prepared me from this world's unexpected plot twist. Yes, I am using it on my online class now.

    However, it's still hard to catch up with the online learning since we also have computer lessons which requires us to use desktop or laptop for certain softwares. And my phone is also not always in its best performance that makes some situations really frustrating. My idea for a laptop suddenly sparks again. It made me determine to aim for it before this year ends. Yet, I can already foresee how it would be a failed target now. Sometimes I'm wondering how I've become frustrated on having it. Until I realized that I don't really need to focus on it for now, maybe I'll aim for it again next time when the situation becomes more favorable. Atleast I am still surviving with my phone. I've worked on some reflections and it made me feel that I've hold too much on a materialistic value because of it.

     These tough times, when we feel that we lose a lot of thing, our views become narrowed. We are frustrated of finding solutions to patch our life that seems like a pail with holes before it runs out of the water contain in it. Our frustrations can blind us that we may forget that sometimes, it's not the patch that we need, nor the hole, is the problem. Sometimes, it's what fills in the  pail, like the values we hold. If we keep on holding on values like a water, and we are the pail with a hole as we are not perfect, we will just spent our whole energy patching the pail and the water would still run out. If we change the water into something bigger than the holes of the pail, a value that would work perfectly on our imperfections and incapabilities, atleast we won't go home with an empty pail.

      As Christmas is nearing, I've realized that I should let go of certain plans that I'm still holding too especially when they're not really of great value. And anyway, I could still work on it on other time if it's really necessary. It's all about setting priorities too. For now, I think what's more important before the year ends especially this Christmas is to celebrate peacefully together with my family. Also for me to pass this semester! Instead of focusing my energy on achieving other things I want to have, I'll just focus more on what I have, and work on things I can almost have. No getting farther. Taking it step by step! 


      More importantly, I do not wish nor pray anything that much more than the pandemic to end and the situation becomes better again. I am looking forward for a happy and meaningful holiday this year!

      Despite the trials and problems, let us live our life to the fullest!Ho-ho-ho-ho!

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Staysafe and Godbless! Fill your pails with the right content 💝