Does a certain text message you left on read still bothers you? How about that one message you undeniably have already received the notification about but chose not to open it yet? And now flies are buzzing to your inbox because of the piling messages you knowingly ignored but hold no personal ill intentions towards the sender - it is just that you have no energy to respond and connecting to other people is your least priority right now. Here’s the listful of reasons why you should feel guilty about this: NONE!

One of the main purposes of communication is to engage into a meaningful conversation and due to the vast technological innovations, online communication has now gone more instant and smoother. People can now send messages, emails, images, memes, and a lot more content to each other in a matter of seconds and it will just take another few moments for the other to view it. However, this is not the case for all. As much as it is now more convenient to send and receive messages, it is also not that hard to avoid them for people who opt to do so - and believe me, they have every right in doing so.

Breaking news: The recipient of your message does not owe you anything, say an immediate response to a text you sent even though that person is glued to their phone 24/7. They just don’t.

If you are one of those who are guilty of not responding as instant as how people and this society expect you to, allow me to break it to you why you actually do not have to feel guilty about it.

1. You do not owe anyone anything.

You may have told this yourself over and over but sometimes, it just really won’t go through. The guilt of not responding and letting the person on the other end of the line wait for your pending response draws clearer for every tick of the clock. However, it is important to remind yourself of the same line: I do not owe them anything. Some may say it is selfish but choosing what’s good for your mental health is self-care. 

The anxiety does not only lie to those who are waiting, but also to those people who received the message/s. Let’s put it this way, suppose you just woke up and you barely even wrap your head around the fact that you just did, but you woke up to the red notification badges that invade your phone’s home screen and it is just too much, too overwhelming for you. Admit it or not, there are days that you feel like that - feeling that you do not have the energy to connect, to talk, to simply open your phone, or the feeling of not feeling anything at all and so you suddenly do not know how to hold any decent conversation. Days like these are inevitable so remind yourself that it is okay. It is normal, and you do not have to feel pressured about responding because you, of all people, owe others nothing.

2. You deserve the peace you keep giving everyone.

It is perfectly fine and normal for you to want to read a book or watch your favorite television show peacefully without having to pause between scenes just to respond to a friend whether she has to go date this guy he met online or whatnot. It just ruins the mood, and let alone your peace and incredibly needed alone time. As much as your friend needs advice, you do too. It is not bad to talk with your friends, give them advice, and check on them. These are great. However, when your bad days come, remember that it is never a crime to choose yourself and spend some time alone, if that is what you need. Check on yourself as often as how you check on others!

3. It is not your responsibility to uphold one’s self-esteem.

Surely, the anxiety and self-consciousness bearing on the sender is unimaginable when one does not respond right away. Not to mention the widespread of the unfortunate “ghosting” culture where one is left hanging on a conversation they thought would last. Everyone's getting paranoid, afraid to be the next victim of this unseen villain. Undoubtedly, every strand of self-esteem in their system will wither away when you’ve left them on read. Who would like that anyway? But see, the thing is, this is not about what you, the sender, likes. Once you send a message, there is now a wider scope to consider - it is not just about you or the text you sent.

“Do they not want to talk to me?” “Am I being annoying?” These are just some of the typical lines that run over and over into someone’s mind when they do not get the energy they want. For someone who has extreme anxiety issues, trust me, this feeling is so horrible and I am guilty on this one too. However, I have come to realize that we should see things in a wider lens. My low self-esteem and anxiety issues are mine and mine alone. It is not other people’s duty to make me realize my worth over a simple text reply. My worth is more than that and only I can save myself from thinking so small about me. The same context must apply as to how I respond to other people; it is not my responsibility to satisfy their ego with a quick reply if I am going to compromise my own - and that, ladies and gentlemen, I call growth.

People in this modernized world, where almost everything comes instant, often forget the fact that each of us still has their own lives, own problems to deal with, own timeline and private space. As much as it is so fulfilling and wholesome to exchange conversations and ideas to someone simultaneously, with the same amount of energy booming into each of your phone’s screens - nobody owes us that and that must be respected.

Realistically, it is normal to have the urge to disconnect for a while, to breathe and live outside your social media bubble, to go “airplane mode” because you are busy working on your module, emotionally unstable, studying how to use the ASEAN Harmonized Tariff Nomenclature, watching your favorite soccer game, or you have your own plans with your pet - all these are valid, even when you actually do not have a solid reason to justify your pursuit of wanting some space because in the first place, you do not have to justify any of it.

To close this blog, here’s some reality slap: The world does not revolve around you and not everyone will adjust their schedules and prior appointments just to cater you and your fragile ego. Everyone has their own priorities and who knows if you are ever included on their list. These may be harsh truths but do not let these reduce your worth. As I have said, you are more than just a message response, a spoiling message with flies flying on someone’s inbox. You do not have to feel so angry for getting no response as much as you do not have to feel guilty about not finding the energy to respond. The waiting game does not necessarily require anxiety and agony; you can make use of this time for your own too. Catch up what you might have missed about yourself. You cannot always focus on other people and spend much more energy to them and to your social circle than to how much you actually invest to yourself. 

Normalize respecting one’s pace. They will talk to you and respond, but right now, respect the safe bubble they're guiltily trying to build for their own peace and growth.