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Self Love: #1 Let's Talk About Boundaries

Someone asked me about tips towards being able to say 'NO' and being able to stand up for oneself when we become 'too kind' to the people around us. 

Here's my first tip for you!

Let's talk about setting boundaries first and foremost!

What is a boundary?
A boundary is an invisible "barrier" between yourself and others' limits which you WILL NOT GO BEYOND with!
They can be your personal principles and the way you discipline yourself, because of course--you love yourself honey!

Know that having boundaries stems from self-love, therefore--before being able to identify your boundaries, I'll provide you some questions you could ask yourself below, I suggest you take your time in carefully identifying it--boundaries don't present themselves to you in a day (so no pressure!) they develop throughout our daily experiences and it'll come to you!

It is healthy to have a good sense of where your feelings and opinions start and stop.
It is IMPORTANT to know how to set boundaries with *difficult* people, specifically with those who are critical, controlling, manipulative, demanding or aggressive. 
[NOTE** Learning about such behaviors (Toxic Behaviors) and how to identify them can greatly benefit you! So do your research when you can <3 There are a lot in pinterest!]

Anyway, these are certain questions you could ponder on regarding your personal boundaries.

1. What are your problems?
2. What are the things that you DON'T LIKE doing? Things that makes you uncomfortable?
3. What are the things you decided NOT TO DO?
4. What do you NEED instead?
5. What are the things that are hard for you to say?
6. What are the things that are important to you? 
7. Decide your limits, what you will and WILL NOT tolerate.

Remember, upon evaluating your discomforts and dislikes--it's important to honor and respect other people's opinion regardless of what they have to say. Afterall, "Everyone's entitled to their own opinion", so there's no point in arguing or feeling 'offended' in a way. 

When you are able to answer the questions, you can evaluate and discern (judge them well) and sort things out.

Next step is application, you gotta apply the things you just discovered!
So upon setting your boundaries, here's what you need to remember!

1. When you do not want to, do not force yourself! (Although there are certain circumstances you need to discern, "CHANGE" or changing for the better, or challenges! In time you gotta face it in order for you to grow!)

2. It's OKAY to say 'NO'.

3. Even when it's hard for you to say it, you gotta muster up the courage to put it out there and start being assertive! Baby steps are highly encouraged even!

4. Honor and respect that people are just like you. But--don't let them disrespect you as well! (This stage requires your self-love level at least above level 5 xD)

5. You can express your discomforts by saying these phrases:
> I understand your point of view but .... (for possible arguments)
> I've decided not to .....
> This is what I need .....
> I'd rather not ....
> Yes, I do mind ....
> That's unacceptable ....
> I guess we see it differently .... but I do respect your opinion.
Use whatever fits the scenario, know that you should treat every circumstance you're facing as a test for yourself! You level up every time you get to overcome your fears! We learn everyday!

6. Pay attention to people's reactions, if your boundaries make someone mad, then that person is 'ABUSING' you.
YOU NEED TO KNOW: someone who loves and respects you would neverr hurt you!

7. It is not your job to fix others!
We often are drawn to doing so! But remember this is actually a cry for help regarding our inner souls, you need to learn that you gotta fix yourself first!

8. It is okay if others get angry.

9. It is your job to make yourself happy!

10. Nobody has to agree with you! (You are your bestest best friend!)


If we are that willing to put up with people's character, why are we so afraid of showing and expressing what we truly feel? We have the right to express as well! I know that you have pure intentions and kind people tend to stay like a martyr, know that you can't give to others what you do not have. If you don't have self-love yet--then how much more are you able to give love to others when you don't even love yourself?

Anyway, I added a video as well to this post, you may need to listen to it since it's related to what we just discussed. 

Hopefully this helps! There's so many things to talk about Self Love!
I'd like to share more about it because I'm walking the same path too!