June 19, 2020 Friday I make a promise to myself that this month would be the last month that I will smoke a cigarette. It takes a lot of days, month and year before I realize how important my life is and neither is my future.

I will make a promise list in my note app on my phone. And I want to achieve this goal in my life for my future and if I succeed in this challenge I will consider this as an achievement in my life. I have decided for too long to quit smoking but I cannot quit. It takes too long for me to realize how important my health is to me, especially when applying to a PNPA or PMA class. In applying to those mentioned schools you need to be examined if you have health issues or not. Because if you have, there's no chance for you to be accepted and not just the two said schools who will not accept applicants who have health issues but most of the agencies either government agencies or not. Health issues are their top priority. I already knew for too long how important this health issue was but I didn’t even give a damn about this. I just ignored how important this is to my health and future. Even it took too long for me to realize I know that I can still make a good decision for my health. It is not too late for me to change and to improve, hence, I want to change for the better me. 

Recently, I accidentally went to a place where an old people came to chat with one another; to tell stories to one another and as I went there one friend of mine came and my other friend said "I feel pity for him(pertaining to my friend who came) he didn't pass as a Police officer" I replied and said "he took board exam for 6 times but still did not pass, his younger brother told me and he feel pity too for his brother" as we exchange words this old man who sit beside me open up a story about failing(particularly in PNP) he said that there is a friend of him who took an board exam but did not pass because of his health issue, as the doctor examine his lungs, the doctor found out that there is an spot in his lungs and that is the reason why didn't pass. Even knowledgeable you are in your class and how high your grade is during board exam if there's something in your health there's no chance for you to proceed and you fell sorry to your self. The old man add that there's also a friend of him who don't have health issue, and pass the board exam and still didn't had a chance to proceed as an officer and the reason is his height. The PNP height standard is 5.4 foot and his friend is just 5 foot. He added, if he's friend has a backer he can be an Officer even how short he is because in our system no matter how unknowledgeable you are there's a big chance that you can pass because of your backer and that sucks. That is why there's is an stupid, fool officer. And I agree with what the oldman said. I can prove what the old man said is true. Simply by looking your surroundings, you will see a Police officer whom still a PO1 even at their old age and long in service. They became an officer even how stupid they are because of their backer. They put their trust in their backers. They do nothing for themselves to improve and that's the reason why they still have low rank even though they are too old. I ain't stereotyping them because I know that sum of them are in bad luck, I also do believe that there is still favoritism in PNPA. 

That's when my realization hit me after having a conversation with them. I realize that what I am doing can affect my future. Smoking can really affect my health and it can stop my growth hormone from growing. Smoking can stop my dream, there will be a big chance if I will be positive about my health issues. I have been smoking since 2014, the year my dad died. I am sure that there is already something in me because of my doings in life. But I have faith in myself because I know God is with me and I offer my life to him, I let him to control me what to do, to do the good and avoid what is not to do. I let God touch my heart and brain, I let him to control me as I walk my journey in life. 

The reason why I said that I will end my smoking this month even though I can end it right away on this day and this time is I want to prepare; save money for medicine. I know that after I quit smoking I will  suffer frequent coughing so it is better to prepare than sorry. I know I can do this, I let God do the best for me, I will accept the consequences no matter what will happen. Whatever happens, I will accept it because it is my doing in life. I am the one who made it so it is understood that I am also the one who will suffer so it is ok. But I know God, God the father and the almighty one won't let me suffer because I am his child even though how sinful I am he still loves me and blesses me and I can feel it. 

What I am doing right now which is to quit smoking is part of my decision if ever I will be back to my job before. If ever my former boss will allow or ask me to be back at them I am prepared and healthy to do my job again. That's all. Thank you