A PERSON’S MOST DANGEROUS ENEMY  IS NO OTHER HAN  JEALOUS OR IN TAGALOG “Pagkainggit sa Kapwa.”

Jealousy can rear its head in any relationship. It’s a destructive emotion: it has the potential to suffocate a happy partnership and break down the trust that was there.

Jealousy can cause you to experience a range of feelings, from insecurity and suspicion to rejection, fear, anger or anxiety. If you think jealousy might be an issue in your relationship, here are my top tips for recognising it – and taking steps towards addressing it.

The signs of jealousy
Jealousy can manifest itself in lots of ways.
You might feel rational one minute and then completely irrational the next. You might start to believe irrational thoughts which you know deep down cannot be true.  You might feel a sense of insecurity, and be very ‘watchful’ of your partner’s actions.  You might feel you’re unable to trust them – or start to feel rejected and unloved. You may feel an overwhelming need to stay connected with your partner - wanting to know where they are and what they're doing at all times.

Taking a step back

Acknowledging jealous feelings can be difficult. It can be painful, and even leave you feeling ashamed or embarrassed. But being able to take a step back and understand why it is you feel the way you do is the first step towards coming to terms with your jealousy – and working to address it.

Try to become aware of your feelings and start to think about what is making you feel this way. Try to ascertain if they are legitimate feelings by considering the reality of your current relationship - or whether they are feelings that are unresolved from past relationships. Think about whether the jealousy is actually being caused by anything your partner is doing, or whether there are deeper issues at play here - issues concerning trust, commitment or communication. 

Finding the time to talk through what you’re going through with your partner is also definitely a step in the right direction. Getting any doubts or insecurities out in the open will allow you to examine them properly. Try setting aside a little time when you're not already feeling emotional - and really listen to what each other has to say. 

And if you find this isn’t enough, you may want to consider talking to a counsellor. Being able to communicate with your partner in a safe environment may help you address any issues related to jealousy – plus any others you think you may need help with. This will help you work towards regaining the trust of your partner, building better communication channels and having a happier and more loving relationship.

Jealousy can have a poisonous effect on a relationship. The receiving partner is likely to resent having so little trust put in them, and may begin to feel suffocated or controlled. This is likely to cause tension and resentment to build over time. And the jealous partner themselves is also likely to suffer: the lack of trust they’re feeling towards their partner is likely to make them feel insecure and isolated.

Taking a step back

Acknowledging jealous feelings can be difficult. It can be painful, and even leave you feeling ashamed or embarrassed. But being able to take a step back and understand why it is you feel the way you do is the first step towards coming to terms with your jealousy – and working to address it.

Try to become aware of your feelings and start to think about what is making you feel this way. Try to ascertain if they are legitimate feelings by considering the reality of your current relationship - or whether they are feelings that are unresolved from past relationships. Think about whether the jealousy is actually being caused by anything your partner is doing, or whether there are deeper issues at play here - issues concerning trust, commitment or communication. 

Finding the time to talk through what you’re going through with your partner is also definitely a step in the right direction. Getting any doubts or insecurities out in the open will allow you to examine them properly. Try setting aside a little time when you're not already feeling emotional - and really listen to what each other has to say. 

And if you find this isn’t enough, you may want to consider talking to a counsellor. Being able to communicate with your partner in a safe environment may help you address any issues related to jealousy – plus any others you think you may need help with. This will help you work towards regaining the trust of your partner, building better communication channels and having a happier and more loving relationship.