“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” My dearest friends know that I’m into reality shows. Talent reality shows in particular. I am a fan of pure talent, drama, catharsis and I love having goosebumps all over my body. I am amazed by the authenticity of the housemates in Big Brother. I love the thrill of witnessing a good and talented singer in Tawag ng Tanghalan. My predictions are mostly correct regarding who to pick as a coach in The Voice. I always have goosebumps whenever a judge pushes the golden buzzer for an audition in America’s Got Talent. Once, while streaming audition videos on YouTube, I stumbled upon Harrison Craig. He won the second season of The Voice Australia last 2013. What caught my attention was him being actually a stutter. He often stutters when he is tense or nervous. I became an instant fan because I knew then that I can relate to him. I am a stutter myself -- and this is my confession. Childhood-onset fluency disorder also known as stuttering or stammering is a speech disorder that involves frequent and significant problems with normal fluency and flow of speech. People who stutter know what they want to say but have difficulty saying it. For example they may repeat or prolong a word, a syllable, or a consonant or vowel sound or they may pause during speech because they’ve reached a problematic word or sound. Being a stutter has made me insecure. I was bullied during my elementary days because of the way I talk. Yes, I have made friends but sometimes I was the subject of group’s teasing because I keep on repeating certain syllables. I was even teased by my relatives whenever we have our small gatherings back then. During those times I wasn’t really bothered. Then I reached my high school. I started being conscious which hindered me from talking to people I don’t know. Deep inside I feel I want to make friends, but I can’t. This was also a major hold back from grabbing opportunities during high school. In short, I lost my self-esteem. I lost my confidence in engaging myself to organizations like debate societies and wanting to be a leader during my college years. I remember one time during our debate culmination in Oral Comm, one speaker from the opposing team threw a statement that stuck with me to this day. “How will you trust his arguments ladies and gentlemen when he stutters a lot?” This ate at me and stopped me from being at my maximum. While a part of me is insecure, the larger part of me doesn’t want to settle for less. I would like to call myself a visionary. I have a lot of dreams; in fact too many that sometimes my sister jokingly calls me “ambisyoso”. I know for a fact that opportunity favors the prepared heart. This is the reason why I decided to join a toastmaster club- club for developing public speaking skills. It is one way for me to prepare for whatever opportunity may knock along the way. I want to brace myself into becoming a good leader and a good communicator. One cannot be an effective leader if he or she cannot convey a message well. I felt like I have missed a lot of opportunities because of the fear of rejection and fear of humiliation. This is a long-overdue realization that I should’ve thought about a long time ago but this time around, I will not let my insecurity hinder me from becoming who I aspire to be. As George Eliot said, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
Comments