In November of 2019, a few weeks before my due date, I gave birth to a baby boy. However, after only three days in the hospital, the pedia decided to transfer my child to the intensive care unit because of concerns that he may have Down syndrome. When I first laid eyes on my Boy, I knew he was something unique, and I waited for that confirmation from my pediatrician. We arranged a confirmatory test in PGH and a 2D echo to see if he had a heart disease after he had been in the hospital for a month. The results showed that he was really a Down syndrome infant and that he had a PDA, a benign lesion on his heart. My baby requires surgery on his heart, but because of the pandemic, we haven't been able to get an appointment soon enough. My infant stopped breathing the night after President Duterte proclaimed lockdown on March 31, 2020. We took him to the emergency room, where doctors determined that he had pneumonia. My baobao has a heart defect, thus he can't get sick with a cold or the flu. My son was admitted immediately to the hospital where I work, but on April 4, 2020, despite our best efforts, he passed away on the evening of that day. I didn't have time to really grieve for him, and I only got to visit him in the ICU. I contacted my husband up in the north to give him the news and ask that he take care of making arrangements for our baby's cremation. My spouse transported the urn with our baby's remains back to the province after the cremation. I spent some time in the hospital and had a full-time job for over two months. Even though they never saw me cry, I feel like my heart is breaking every night.
In spite of the lockdown, I was able to accommodate my brother-in-law's request to accompany him on a trip back to the province. We got our travel permits in time to leave in June of 2019, but we still have to go through quarantine. After that, I went home to visit the urn containing my son's remains. I spent about two months out in the province. Before heading back to the office, my husband and I had time to enjoy my birthday together. Being in the frontline service and battling against COVID has been incredibly therapeutic for me as I have dealt with my grief, so I am keen to return to work. After returning to work, I noticed a change in how my body felt, so I took a pregnancy test. viola! The results came back positive on my husband's birthday, and I suppose that was the finest present we could have gotten. He felt I was making fun of him because he was smiling during the video conversation. I certainly didn't anticipate being pregnant so quickly. But I suppose this is God’s way of reassuring me that this is the right moment for me to start a family. My daughter is now two years old; she is a bright and funny rainbow baby. The four months I had with my baby boy are memories I will never forget. That brief time taught me so much, and my husband and I made it our mission to promote the welfare of Down syndrome infants. Sometimes God puts us in a tough spot so that he can strengthen us for the major fights ahead. God's plan is always the best option, so we should have faith in it.