• Good News

My Sexuality

I think I identify myself as a bisexual person because I do get attracted to both genders. But I get more attracted to the other one which is the female gender. Growing up, sexuality was familiar with me because at a young age my crushes were all girls and I thought something was wrong with me like an evil spirit took my body. And so quickly my parents knew this or sort of noticed that my playmates were boys and I liked playing with toys that are for boys. But I still dressed like a girl and the dresses because It wasn’t important to me back then because I was still a kid and I thought this was some phase I had to go through and I would just get over it. But we never really talked about it openly with my parents. And so fast forward elementary days, I was still the same, I didn’t change. I was still attracted to girls and my best buddies were boys. I didn’t know how to identify myself. Luckily, I have my best friend which was a girl. I think she knew that I was into girls and she didn’t bother about who or what I was. She wasn’t disgusted by me and she never left me alone. Luckily, this situation I have wasn’t eating me up and I didn’t feel guilty about it because I had someone who understood me and that was all that matters. But I do notice a change. I didn’t like wearing dresses anymore, it wasn’t comfortable to me and I wanted to dress myself on my own way. I was starting to feel like I want to make choices in how I live but still my family’s opinion still matters.
So in high school junior year, I had this classmate who was a girl and by the way were all girls in our section. I was still at USJ-R and this classmate which was my front mate. I quickly got attracted by her and I thought she was straight so I was not even serious about it. Just a happy crush until I knew that she liked me back. I didn’t know what to feel and I didn’t believe it at first. I think that was the time I was more influenced on liking the same gender rather than the opposite. I quickly got recognized by my fellow classmates and ever since then I started to like girls more than boys.
Until my adviser knew about it and contacted my parents so they knew but never said a thing or word about it. We actually never talked about my sexuality at that time and I knew that they didn’t like what they heard and I just kept quiet about it and was sad because I wanted them to accept me for who I am and give me assurance that they’ll still love me no matter what. And this has affected me in my life. I always get anxious when I introduce my girl classmates to them even though they are just my friends, I get anxious that they think somethings going on when really there’s nothing. I feel like making friends of both genders is not allowed because maybe they would think that being friends with a guy will influence me badly and with girls, they take it so personally when in fact they are just my friends or classmates. It has been like this since they knew and how I wish I could change things quickly but I can’t, maybe I’ll just have to wait when the time is favorable to me or something. To end this essay or sharing, I actually had a lot of realizations doing this and it kind of made me feel at ease or should I say comfortable even though it’s just schoolwork. I find joy in writing my feelings. It feels therapeutic and calm. Thank you.


  • Kyungg
    Oct 30, 2020 09:34
    May you find the right decisions and peace of mind💝 Godbless you❤️