• Good News



Imagine you are with your mom and you're very enthusiastic as you'll treat her in a fine restaurant from the salary you've worked hard for.

You ordered her a food. You helped her with the food. Maybe you sliced some of the meat in her meal, for her. You're smiling while watching her enjoying the meal you bought for her.

Then your smile faded when you noticed how gray her hair was already, and how  her skins looks so old with wrinkles and folds. However, it's not her appearance that suddenly makes your heart ache.

You suddenly start to call her attention and try to softly asked a question.

"So, what do you think of your son?"
You tried to facade your sadness with a small smile.

"My son? But I don't have a son. Do I?" She asked confused.

" You still can't remember your son?" You insist.

" I said I don't have a son. Why are you always asking me about a child I don't even have." She replied a bit frustrated that even if you still want to push the question, you lowkey brushed it off. You don't want to anger her, aside from that, defeat already dawned on you the moment you started to asked.

Yes, your mom can't remember her son, or let's say her daughter for different case. She can't remember her child. She can't remember you.

Haven't you thought of how scary that could be?

I've watched a short clip video of almost the same scenario before on YouTube and it was a real story. Mind you, I've shed a lot of tears in advance than the real son on the video clip. His mother has an Alzheimer's disease, an illness associated with memory loss common among elders.

The scene broke my heart so much and even have felt  how it marked on my mind and soul.

So if someone asked me about my greatest fear, I'd definitely say it's to forget and to be forgotten.

It would might sound random for some. I think because many people are still unaware of such possibilities. And maybe to forget isn't really a big deal for many. I mean, it's not just inevitable but also it have been a part of many peoples' lives already.

We tend to forget some of our tasks when we have loaded activities. We forget to bring this and that. We forget to forget to prepare for these and those.

We're not capable to remember everything, anyway. Even the most sentimental person can forget  special memories. Maybe only the gifted are exceptions.

However, I think people must realize how every bit of memories hold a value that can play a very big part on our lives.

Commonly, people would say what they fear the most was death, losing someone, or a change in the system like the pandemic we are experiencing right now.

When I was in high school, I remembered how our teacher was discussing about different human emotions. She once told us that people fear, to protect themselves from a sensed threat or danger.

For example, if you're afraid to get hit by vehicles on the street, you'll naturally becomes cautious on crossing. If you have no fear, then you probably just crossed recklessly.

If I would be asked, do you fear death then? Honestly, my answer would be no. Death is also inevitable. But for me, it's the saying that " We don't live just once, we live everyday. We die only once." I don't think death is danger. Danger is something that can lead to worse or complications. Death isn't complication, nor it'll lead to worse. It's already the end here on earth, could we expect more? Death is destiny. If we die, we die. We can't control our end, we can't also tell when will it be. 

Aren't I afraid to leave my love ones?
I don't think I should be because death is part of the reality. They should accept losing someone whether they like it or not cause it'll happen, now or later. However, I'd be sad for sure.

Aren't I afraid of losing a loved one? I've already losed a nuclear family member twice. Like what I've said, it's part of reality everyone should accept. And the feeling associated with it isn't really fear but sadness and pain. We're afraid to lose someone cause we already know how it will hurt and we think we can't handle it, but in reality we'll find ourselves still intact. I'm not saying losing someone isn't big deal. Ofcourse it is! What I'm saying is after losing someone, our physical world is still the same and everyone is still moving in the usual system. It won't adjust for your grieving.

How about change? Aren't I afraid of it too?
I can't say I'm afraid of it even tho I have lot of anxieties. I can say I tend to be nervous of change but I don't think I'm afraid of it.

If I am not actually afraid of these major things, then why am I afraid the most in being forgotten and being able to forget someone?

Aside from the reality in the video clip I've told, let me tell another story of mine.

It was just a usual afternoon that time when I tend to browse in the phone a picture of my departed loved one. I scroll on a lot of pictures when I was hit by a deep realization. I don't feel like familiar with this person anymore. I mean, he's my sibling and I know a lot about him but you know the feeling of detachment from something or someone's absence? It was like that. I already forgot the feeling how it was with him, the teasing, fighting and bonding together.  As much as I wanted to grasp the moment again from my memories, it's hard cause some were already been faded, or blurry. It was the time  I felt how great the fear dawned on me. What if a day comes when I'd totally forgot about my sibling? What if I become used of his absence? I don't want that to happen cause I want to always remember him, all my loved ones. I want to remember them until I vanished from this world. I want to hold and treasure the moments we had, and laugh at the good old memories. I don't want to forget.

I was grieving again that I suddenly wonder what about the other people who were closed with my sibling? Do they still think of him? I tried stalking his old facebook account and it broke my heart how very few have only greeted him on his previous birthdays. His account was very active when he was still alive, now there were no mentions and tags anymore even just for simple commemorations. So that's how its like to be forgotten? I don't think I'd be prepared for that.

I'm afraid the most of losing important memories because it's the only precious thing we could hold onto when we can no longer nourish an actual moment. We can't turn back time nor stop death, but we can treasure memories. I'm afraid to lose the only thing I could grasp onto from a pitch  darkness and emptiness. I'm also afraid to totally vanished, without being remembered, like I've never existed at all.


Staysafe and Godbless everyone ❤️ I've also shared these sentiments to remind us on remembering our departed loved ones this all souls day and nourish the time we have with the livings. Happy all souls day. Pray for all the souls, living or dead.💝