"Mag-diet ka nga. Ang laki mong tignan!"
"Di ka ba nabibigatan sa katawan mo?"
"Magpapayat ka para maisuot mo yung mga damit na gusto mo."
"ako nung ganyang edad ko, slim ako."

And many more of these remarks and comments follow. Honestly, I have been hearing these things since I was a kid. I was born a chubby kid and I did not mind that. I am sure my lola did not mind that as well, since she always cook good food for me and let me eat in peace, without making hateful and fat-shaming comments while I munch, unlike what other people do.

I was happy growing up a big girl.

But as time passed by, I began to feel alone, not included, and neglected. I do not see big girls casted for a lead role. They're always the background character, oftentimes the comic relief. I do not see big girls superheroes. I do not see big girls be a star in a movie without them having a full on make over and becoming fit and skinny at some point of the movie or story they are in.

And then it hit me. The media is telling me that big girls have to undergo a total transformation, struggle, and go through a lot before they can be called beautiful. Big girls are not beautiful to begin with. They must earn it. Fed with this popular culture and mass media beauty standards, I started to lose confidence in myself. I was not the confident girl to begin with, actually I am the shy type kind of girl, so imagine how low my self-esteem got.

I mean, I am still not confident with my self-image today. I am insecure until today, yes I admit that. But I am starting to learn how to love and embrace who I am. 

I stopped following influencers who are fitness inspirations and instead followed curvy queens who are confident and proud of their curves and rolls. They taught me to be confident and that I am not alone. They taught me that big girls can be sexy too and that big girls do not need a full on metamorphosis and transform themselves to be beautiful. 

I'm starting to love who I am and the skin I am in. I may still have a long way to go achieving queen-level confidence but I am slowly becoming comfortable with my curves. And I think that is a start.