• Good News




I grew up having a lot of anxieties. Fear of crowd's attention. Fear of stage. Fear of starting a conversation. Fear of prolonging a conversation, worrying that I might not end up ruining it. Overthinking of simplest things every night and always feeling so embarrassed even of just a little failure.

I don't remember being like that I'm still so young. I remember being a carefree innocent child. But as soon as transitioned to being a teenager that time, I become to worry more and more of what the people think of me. Are they judging me? Secretly laughing at me?

I think it slowly started from one time I made a mistake at stage and got scolded, or the one time I got criticized and rejected in a rehearsal of our music class. Little by little, I fear audiences. Their eyes makes me feel uncomfortable. Those little mistakes become more often as I got to panic every time I feel so conscious of the surroundings. I still remember how I messed up at stage in one of the event of our school. Then I messed up again, and again. Because of that, I gave up my the very little passion of stage performer in me. I don't even want getting into the class rank because I started to hate stages.

Rethinking all that, and revisiting some of my dark embarrassing past, I am grateful that I have been able to move on in life as more tough and confident person.  I won't say  I turned to a very confident person now, unlike before.  No, I'm still shy at times. My anxieties still mostly trigger at nights that won't let me sleep peacefully. I just learned to fight with it, accept the things that couldn't be changed, and allow myself to make mistakes. I just learned to cry them out rather than bottled them up inside me.  I just learned to take advantage of the situation, that maybe I messed up but still that would serve as a lesson for me the next time a situation like that would happen again. I slowly wake up myself from the selfish thoughts that it's just me, who suffers from that. No. I know that many people too experienced some discouraging nor embarrasssing things, but it's not a big deal to them. So why make it big deal? And most people have their own problems to worry, it's not as if their attention would only revolved around me. Or as if they would aways thought of the girl who messed up at stage. Maybe they are of those who laugh at me, but eventually they would forget about it. Or if not, so what? Will it harm me? Will it affect me badly? These are the thoughts that help me with my anxieties.  But sometimes, if I can't fight it with those kind of thoughts, I resort to other things that will distract me, or made me feel satisfied that I would forget about my bugging insecurities and such. I try to draw, read, or listen to music. I watch motivational videos. But most importantly, I interact with my loved ones. The people who can see my worth, who can appreciate the little things I do and affirm them. I enclosed myself with people who makes me feel loved and belonged. And ofcourse, I myself, affirms and encourages myself. Cause self esteem is the way we see ourselves and our worth. It is something that must start from within, and can be developed thru the people around us. Self esteem is also a matter of mindset, so if you won't change your mindset and let yourself  be drowned in your self created insecurities, you will never move from where you are.

   It is in many different ways that our self esteem, affects us in a broad manner, even up to the very fiber of our being. As self esteem can be manifest in the way we carry our selves, or both our fashion and posture, our stance in a particular situation, the way we talk and socialize, and the way we take care of ourselves.

  Self esteem is very important. I still remember how many times we study about it, especially when it comes to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. However, I won't be coming here saying, " Hey, everyone needs esteem, so as you.So bring out yours right now!" Cause I myself knows how it is almost a punch to the moon to develop one's self-esteem. It is something that we don't develop just overnight. It is something that we incorporate in ourselves for a long run. They take time and effort so we must work for it if we really want to achieve a high self esteem. Cause our self esteem that is inside of us is like a seed of plant that needs to watered to bloom. And with greater self esteem, we could create many opportunities for ourselves. Therefore, to boost one's self esteem is to improve oneself and life. With self esteem also, we learn to love more and appreciate others, as we learn  most   on loving ourselves, even our flaws.To wrap this  up, I end this with Eleanor Roosevelt's powerful quote, ā€œNo one can make you feel inferior without your consent.ā€